There are those who would say I am a walking blooper! My staff at the coffeehouse caught many a faux pas on the chalkboard as well as in the weekly newsletters.
My most memorable blooper had to be on one of the newsletters I sent out to over 500 people announcing the graduation and musical recital for one of my employees. I learned the very valuable lesson concerning trust in spell check and the importance of one little letter. I left out the “i” in the word recital as I invited our customers to join us that evening. So, it read, “Please join us at Johnny’s (not his real name, but he knows who he is-and so do 500 people!) senior rectal.” I got many responses, including a response from that young man. It was nice to know people actually read the newsletter!
One day, a few of the local police officers were leaving the coffeehouse and cheerfully I said to them, “Be careful and go service our community!” My staff let me know there may be a different way to take that comment.
Some of my favorite bloopers are in church bulletins. You know that the intent of the meaning is always pure, but sometimes things get a little twisted.
For example, a church in Indiana posted this in their bulletin: “The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.” I bet the pastor had a lot of responses to that one!
In an effort to make younger couples feel more comfortable attending services, one church posted this in their bulletin: “For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.”
I’m sure that the pastor of this church felt greatly appreciated after this bulletin announcement: “During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.”
This bulletin item will give you the confidence you need to bring a covered dish for the church potluck: “Potluck supper; prayer and medication to follow.”
If you are looking for a little compassion and sympathy, you may re-think trying this church after reading their bulletin: “Don’t let worry kill you off-let the church help!”
Now, this is a friendly church: “Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.”
On a church bulletin in Minnesota: “GOD IS GOOD, Dr. Hargreaves is better!”
This bulletin announcement will make you show up on time to church: “Ushers will eat latecomers.”
If confidence is an issue for you, this church bulletin may not be helpful: “The Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.”
This church gives us something to add to our prayer list: “Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.”
The author of this comment in a bulletin could be the folks that sit in the pew behind me: “Hymn 47: Hark! An Awful Voice Is Sounding.”
Bloopers, or blunders, are what can happen when human beings are in charge. Over the years, we have seen many people in the media make bloopers. A blooper is a mistake that someone makes unintentionally. The Bible was divinely inspired so you don’t have to worry about any “bloopers”.
David tells us in Psalm 12: 6, “The words of the Lord are pure words; as silver tried in a furnace on the earth, refined seven times.”
Lent is a great time to re-familiarize yourself with God’s Word. If you spent 5 minutes a day reading your Bible, you would be amazed how differently you will look at your world.
“For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two edged sword, and piercing as far as the division of soul and spirit, of both joints and marrow, and able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
No, no bloopers there!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Hokey Pokey…Is That Really What It’s All About?
Okay, can you tell I have been spending a lot of time with a 7-month old baby? I must sing the “Hokey Pokey” song about 20 times a day. The sad thing is, I can barely remember the words to the other nursery rhymes so I usually make up words. My granddaughter doesn’t know any different.
Some of the nursery rhymes, like “Rock A Bye Baby”, has depressing words in it. “When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby cradle and all.” Really? That’s a pretty scary image.
Then, of course, there is poor little Jack and pitiful little Jill. Someone sent them up a “hill to fetch a pail of water.” Why would anyone send two small children to “fetch” water? Then, the horrific fall where Jack “broke his crown” (whatever that is) and then silly Jill “came tumbling after” him. More “falling.”
My granddaughter has a piano that plays several nursery songs and one of them is “London Bridge” which is apparently in disarray because it is…”falling down.” Again, with the “falling” thing!
I went to www.rhymes.org to look up words to some of the old rhymes I could not remember and it is quite interesting. This website gives you not only the words, but the story behind each rhyme. It appears that most of our childhood nursery rhymes were based on tragedies mostly in England during the 15th and 16th centuries.
We all grew up with these stories and told them to our children without really thinking about the words or the origins of these well known rhymes. There certainly was no harm done and we should read and sing with our children and grandchildren. But, one day, for some reason, I got to thinking about the end of the “Hokey Pokey” song…”that’s what it’s all about!”
Then, one Sunday afternoon, my husband and I were out driving around looking at houses and neighborhoods in hopes of finding something that would be less work than our 10 acres, and we saw a new subdivision for the “50 and over” group of people. Well, that is us!
They had two open models to take a look at so we did. They were beautiful homes with every modern convenience anyone would ever want. These homes were on little postage stamp sized lots so you could throw a rock into your neighbor’s living room window (not that I would ever do that!), but the association took care of all the grass cutting and weed eating. Now you have my husband’s attention!
When we left, the nice lady gave us a brochure and it said, “Put more life into your living. That’s what it’s all about!” All these years, I thought the “Hokey Pokey” was what it was all about! How wrong could I be?
It did, however, get me to thinking about what life is all about. It would certainly make life easier for us if someone else did all the outside yard work and maintenance, but they had a lot of rules. I’m not much of a fan of too many rules. One of the rules for the community was that they would not let you put a swingset in your yard for your grandchildren because it would not fit in with the landscape or atmosphere for a “senior community.” Right now, a swingset and the joy of my grandchild and future grandchildren are very much in my atmosphere.
It is very important in this season of my life to spend every moment I can with my husband, children and grandchildren. This is my calling…for this season. As we all know, seasons change.
God has blessed me with so much love in my life that my heart is full and that makes me want to share this knowledge. You can, too! We are given this concept by God in I John 4:7, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and every one who loves is born of God and knows God.”
Now, THAT’S what it’s all about!
Okay, can you tell I have been spending a lot of time with a 7-month old baby? I must sing the “Hokey Pokey” song about 20 times a day. The sad thing is, I can barely remember the words to the other nursery rhymes so I usually make up words. My granddaughter doesn’t know any different.
Some of the nursery rhymes, like “Rock A Bye Baby”, has depressing words in it. “When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall. And down will come baby cradle and all.” Really? That’s a pretty scary image.
Then, of course, there is poor little Jack and pitiful little Jill. Someone sent them up a “hill to fetch a pail of water.” Why would anyone send two small children to “fetch” water? Then, the horrific fall where Jack “broke his crown” (whatever that is) and then silly Jill “came tumbling after” him. More “falling.”
My granddaughter has a piano that plays several nursery songs and one of them is “London Bridge” which is apparently in disarray because it is…”falling down.” Again, with the “falling” thing!
I went to www.rhymes.org to look up words to some of the old rhymes I could not remember and it is quite interesting. This website gives you not only the words, but the story behind each rhyme. It appears that most of our childhood nursery rhymes were based on tragedies mostly in England during the 15th and 16th centuries.
We all grew up with these stories and told them to our children without really thinking about the words or the origins of these well known rhymes. There certainly was no harm done and we should read and sing with our children and grandchildren. But, one day, for some reason, I got to thinking about the end of the “Hokey Pokey” song…”that’s what it’s all about!”
Then, one Sunday afternoon, my husband and I were out driving around looking at houses and neighborhoods in hopes of finding something that would be less work than our 10 acres, and we saw a new subdivision for the “50 and over” group of people. Well, that is us!
They had two open models to take a look at so we did. They were beautiful homes with every modern convenience anyone would ever want. These homes were on little postage stamp sized lots so you could throw a rock into your neighbor’s living room window (not that I would ever do that!), but the association took care of all the grass cutting and weed eating. Now you have my husband’s attention!
When we left, the nice lady gave us a brochure and it said, “Put more life into your living. That’s what it’s all about!” All these years, I thought the “Hokey Pokey” was what it was all about! How wrong could I be?
It did, however, get me to thinking about what life is all about. It would certainly make life easier for us if someone else did all the outside yard work and maintenance, but they had a lot of rules. I’m not much of a fan of too many rules. One of the rules for the community was that they would not let you put a swingset in your yard for your grandchildren because it would not fit in with the landscape or atmosphere for a “senior community.” Right now, a swingset and the joy of my grandchild and future grandchildren are very much in my atmosphere.
It is very important in this season of my life to spend every moment I can with my husband, children and grandchildren. This is my calling…for this season. As we all know, seasons change.
God has blessed me with so much love in my life that my heart is full and that makes me want to share this knowledge. You can, too! We are given this concept by God in I John 4:7, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God; and every one who loves is born of God and knows God.”
Now, THAT’S what it’s all about!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Got GPS?
Those who know me, especially my husband and daughters, know that I am geographically challenged. That’s a really nice way of saying that I don’t know my left from my north!
Years ago, I worked in real estate and decided that I was the worst real estate agent that ever existed. Not only did I talk people out of buying houses if they could not afford them, I would have to have them drive themselves so I could follow them.
Oh, I always printed off maps from Mapquest or Google maps, but they had different names for roads than what was on the signs sometimes. So, that confused me even more.
My poor husband bought me many gadgets to tell me where I was going. This was before GPS was affordable and available.
One time he bought me a thing that fit on my dash and I had to plug it into the accessory outlet. It showed north, south, east and west, but one day it said 120 degrees. I was so sure that this thing was junk that I called my husband and told him there was no way it could be 120 degrees outside, it was only 72! He asked me if I had ever heard of longitude and latitude! Of course, I had. What did that have to with anything?
My daughter gets so annoyed with me every time we go to St. Louis to the airport because I still can not remember if we take 170 north or 170 south. I am never sure what I am north or south of.
Part of the reason I have no memory of direction is because if I am driving, I always have someone in the car who pays attention. If I am the passenger, the driver is there to always pay attention. I am enjoying the scenery or the conversation. Besides, I always get to where I am going. It may not be in the direction or time frame my loved ones would choose, but I always get there!
The irony of this is that I love to take vacations across the country and I am usually the primary driver. But, if I am not the driver, I am the navigator and I really can read a map. If you are on a driving vacation you can take your time and enjoy the scenery.
If you are one of those people that take vacations by car and have a specific itinerary and time frames for the things you want to do, then you should not go on vacation with me. God put me on this earth to randomly stop and smell the roses. God also gave me a husband that needs to be reminded to smell the roses. But, my husband does know his left from his north. That’s why God put us together!
I have spent almost 54 years trying to figure out what I want to do when I grow up. I seem to forget that God already has a path laid out for me. I just wish that there was a billboard on Hwy. 64 somewhere telling me what that is.
David reminds us of God’s promise in Psalm 16:11, “Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.”
Sometimes, I think we all get in our own way. I know that I can be my own worst enemy at sabotaging my path. I either put unnecessary obstacles in my own way or I perceive there are obstacles that don’t exist.
It is very comforting to know that God has the most updated GPS for us, “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” Psalm 119:105
So, the next time you are feeling a little lost, let your Bible open up to you a whole new world of GPS. You could learn your left from your north!
A Prayer For Every Day..........
My former pastor and my friend wrote this prayer:
Prayer: I know there are many things in this life over which I have no control. Not all things are fair or just in this world. But I look to You for strength to help me with that which I can control... My heart. Since You have brought me to Your side and made me your baptized child, sin no longer has control over me. ...That is the greatest freedom anyone can have. Help me make the best of this new freedom. Help me be the best disciple I can be. Help me discover goals that are pleasing to You. Right now and throughout this day help me to make the next wise choice in life that glorifies You and blesses others as I continue to pray: "Amen, Come Lord Jesus."
Prayer: I know there are many things in this life over which I have no control. Not all things are fair or just in this world. But I look to You for strength to help me with that which I can control... My heart. Since You have brought me to Your side and made me your baptized child, sin no longer has control over me. ...That is the greatest freedom anyone can have. Help me make the best of this new freedom. Help me be the best disciple I can be. Help me discover goals that are pleasing to You. Right now and throughout this day help me to make the next wise choice in life that glorifies You and blesses others as I continue to pray: "Amen, Come Lord Jesus."
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